A Nice Quiet Life

We live in a nice, quiet house
that has stairs that don’t creek.
We both go to work
and have sex once a week.

We have a nice garden
that’s green as can be,
where I sunbathe naked
so that neighbors can see.

Our home, it is homely
and beautifully clean,
with white leather sofas
and a huge TV screen.

Our cleaner’s Latino,
but I’m not a snob.
Her salsa is lovely
and she does a good job.

We’ve a handful of children,
two girls and two boys,
they do well at school
so we suffer their noise
and if they get bullied
we just buy them more toys.

We discuss them at dinners
with our nice wealthy friends,
I drink too much merlot,
then the night swiftly ends.

We live on a nice quiet street
with nice conservative folk,
there was a gay couple,
but we never spoke.

My husband’s successful,
pays to help me stay chic,
he shags his assistant
and I drink through the week.

I’ve done lots of courses,
taken holiday tours,
tried botanical painting
but nothing endures.

Upholstery’s boring,
yoga’s the worst that I’ve done,
pottery’s messy,
but wine tasting was fun.

My looks are important
and everyone knows
that you have to look stylish
when you shop at Waitrose.

So, I dress in pashminas
and angora wool.
Though, money is tight
now the kids board at school.

I eat organic,
I’ve been doing this cleanse,
J Lo has done it,
so have all of my friends.

I’m a bit of a trophy,
so I try to stay slim,
but my husband, he hates me
and I don’t like him.

My bathroom is bursting
with pricey face creams
though the Botox works better,
‘least that’s how it seems.

You’ve not had it done?
Oh, you should give it a try!
Before I looked ancient
cos I smoke on the sly.

I entertain men,
just to earn extra dough
while the husband’s out working…
he need never know.
Its to pay for my Botox
and all that merlot.

We live in a nice quiet world
with no trouble or strife,
outside the world’s moving,
its filthy with life,
but, Strictly just started
and I’m a good wife.
I just want dullness and numbness
and a nice, quiet life.

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